My Life is a Drain on My Family

Our floor is gone in the bathroom, the back deck is falling in, there is a hole in the kitchen floor, the toilet in the basement is broken, the house needs an overhaul, there are broken windows, the garage needs repair, the yard is terrible…

…and here I am, the man of the house at an age where I should be able to help, yet unable to do so.

In Iraq, the Serviceman’s Group Life Insurance was $250,000. If I could have died in Iraq, my family could have received $250,000. Bills paid, no sick husband to take care of, no insane medical expenses, no bankruptcy, no ruined credit. They would have been taken care of. They would never have to deal with my failure, which was surviving.

Don’t get me wrong, I am an insanely blessed man. I was able to return in 2006 to my family and return to work as a firefighter/paramedic and tactical medic for the fire and police departments I worked with. My wife was a nurse and between us, we made $130,000 a year. We had purchased a newly built house (the first new construction house my family or I had ever lived in), when the girls turned 16 we got them cars, we had great credit, and life was moving forward.

Unfortunately, I brought back a bit of Iraq with me. I had developed a cough and chronic nausea. Shortly after I returned to work, I began having trouble breathing. I began to have problems passing out when performing strenuous work. I had to quit running and limit my working out. 

Finally, on April 1 of 2014, I passed out at work. I was sent for several tests and it was found that I had developed several medical issues and would have to start more testing. I was told within 2 weeks that I would never work again and that my lungs were failing.

My wife had to quit work to take care of me and our income went from $130,000 a year to $28,000 a year within a month. We filed for disability, and the wait began.

Within a year of waiting we had the house foreclosed on us, lost our vehicles, had our credit ruined, lost the house, and had to file bankruptcy. 

I actually died in Iraq and didn’t know it. The blessing of being able to spend more time with my family turned into a curse as they had to witness me lying in the floor struggling to breathe in a pool of my own spit and vomit. Witnessing me being hauled off too many times to mention in an ambulance, knowing that we didn’t know where we were going to sleep or if we would have food. It was too much, and it was a nightmare.

But there was a little light at the end of the tunnel. We found that I had been awarded my Social Security and VA Disability about 2 years into this fight. We received back pay, and were ecstatic. Much of the back pay went to paying attorney’s and the rest to trying to catch up with a few bills.

Our credit was still ruined and we were a liability when it came to loans. We had gotten insanely high credit cards and loans to try to survive, and now the reality is sinking in…

…we will never recover from this.

My wife owes over $30,000 for her medicine for Alpha One Inotropin Deficiency. It is an expensive IV medication taken through a medical port in her chest that she has been on for several years. When I was working, my insurance would cover the medicine. However, when I lost my job, I had to begin using the VA exclusively, so my wife had to buy whatever insurance we could afford. The insurance we could afford did not cover the expensive medicine, so the company allowed us to continue to get the medicine and just pay what we could monthly. 

We have over $25,000 in debt from insanely high interest rates, over $25,000 in repairs we need to make to this house, and monthly bills that eat up most of our pay.

If we did not have the debt and the destroyed credit caused by a foreclosure, bankruptcy, and medical bills, we would have no problems making our payments. With over $3,000 going out on debt and an additional $2,000 going out for other medical expenses not covered by insurance, the rest of our money goes to paying for the house, insurance, utilities, and other living expenses.

If we could simply get rid of some of our debt, then our problems would be over, but we cannot continue to try to pay the high interest loans and medical bills and live simultaneously. If we could just pay off the debt we incurred while waiting for the disability then we would finally be able to breathe.

It’s not happening though. We have depended on the kindness of strangers for almost 10 years now, and I have become a leach. I have become a sponge, and my family has to suffer for my inability to provide.

I essentially died in 2006, but my body didn’t know it. 

My family was cheated out of a decent life because I failed to die in Iraq, and now they are paying for it. I cannot work harder to get us out of this, and there are no charities to help those like myself. 

I have life insurance and then there are other benefits my wife and kids can receive on my passing. Mortgage payoff insurance and other benefits would allow my wife and kids to recover from the financial hardship my return has brought them.

If you want to know why the veteran suicide rate is 44 per day, I will tell you. 

When you make a man feel like he is worth more dead than alive, and then he has to see his family suffer because he continues to breathe, then he eventually has to make a hard decision. 

The most selfish thing I have ever done is survive Iraq. The second most selfish thing I have done is continue to live while my family suffers. Written 4-22-24.

Publisher note: 

Michael Thorin was/is a firefighter/paramedic, tactical medic, and OIF/OEF combat veteran. His decorations include three Army commendation medals, the Army Achievement Medal (6 awards), the Global War on Terror (CONUS) Medal, the Global War on Terror (Expeditionary) Medal, the Iraq Campaign Medal, and the Combat Action Badge as well as multiple unit awards and citations.

As a first responder, he was recognized as the City of Hoover Firefighter of the Year 2013 and received the Hoover Freedom Award in 2014

As he describes himself, “I had never asked anyone for anything and did everything I could for everyone. I firmly believed in giving 100% in everything, and my awards and decorations reflected that.”

Michael was also featured in a chapter of mine in End Medical Debt titled “No Thank You for Your Service.” Click here to download a free chapter of that book to learn more of him and others abandoned by our country when they needed us the most.